Friday, November 7, 2014

I Found a Digital Photo Archive From My Teens, and It Was Terrible




Once i was a teenager in the early 2000s, my parents gave me a digital camera. I tried it to photograph my friends hanging out at school; trying on dresses at the mall; as well as driving aimless circles around our hometown. You know, teen stuff. At some point, We uploaded the entire archive to Flickr, adding new albums every few weeks when i embarked on college. Eventually, though, my digital life migrated to Facebook and i also forgot Flickr completely.

Then, last winter, I found it again.

I was executing an unrelated Google search and ended up at the old photo-sharing website. To the surprise, I was already signed in. (Some ancient, automated Yahoo login experienced carried over. ) There before my eyes were 6. 4 terme conseillé of exuberantly ugly photos from my youth: Midwestern teenagers with acne-laced faces and ill-fitting jeans, making kissy faces in food courts as well as flashing each other in the backs of cars. Ten years later, I could not believe the racy material I’d thoughtlessly made public. One album, entitled “My friends maintain stealing my camera, ” consisted entirely of self-shot pictures of 2 friends’ boobs and butts. Frantically, I searched Flickr’s FAQ for directions on mass photo deletion, all the while wondering if I was a child pornographer.

Then I noticed my inbox. I had FlickrMail. For near to a decade, men who I can only assume were searching Flickr for photos tagged “tits, ” “ass, ” and “homeroom, ” had been messaging me personally. They were wondering where the permanently youthful girls in those photos lived. When we wanted to be models. If my hair were still that length.

I believed of this episode when, this month, dozens of female celebrities’ iCloud photo archives had been hacked, prompting journalists to profile tribes of young men on the internet who have converted to sport the hunt for naked pictures of celebrities, classmates, acquaintances, ex-girlfriends. Which today’s internet is a reputation-ruining powder keg packed with compromising photos, embarrassing email messages, and unwise social-media utterances has been extensively documented. And yet every year, the past returns in new and newly terrorizing ways, no matter how much time I spent in the last year trying to lock it down. As I waited for a “batch edit” towards the privacy settings of 500 Flickr pictures to go through, I began to wonder if the information itself didn’t have some sort of survival instinct. My data was multiplying, so when I try to delete my data, it seemed to fight back with Byzantine (and humiliating) deletion procedures requiring defunct email addresses and passwords.

Sometimes, naturally , digital déjà vu is welcome and cherished. (Perhaps too cherished. Each and every #throwbackthursday, I wonder whether we are trapped in a vicious cycle of melancolía. ) But in my experience, for every cherished photo that pops back up, 2 dozen awkward throwaways surface too. What’s more, the accruing of photographic rubbish happens very quickly. When I back up my phone, I always discover pictures I thought We deleted - images where people are blinking, a series of incrementally shifting photo vegetation, a filter I tried but didn’t like. For a while, these images would seem in a pop-up thumbnail display every time I plugged my phone into the computer, which was strange because I could never find them in the phone. I had arrived at the point where my devices, apps, and cloud-storage systems were communicating so effortlessly, they actually had more dirt on me than I had on myself.

Whenever actress Mary E. Winstead’s photos appeared in the first mass leak, the girl tweeted, “Knowing those photos were deleted long ago, I can only imagine the scary effort that went into this. ” And “creepy effort” is right: Valleywag’s post-leak report on iCloud-hacking message boards revealed men who said they came back, obsessively and invisibly, to the same women’s iCloud accounts over the course of years, awaiting new backups to appear - backups the women might not have even known about, in case their technology-use habits were anything like mine.

And so, as America debated the actual political and legal implications of the mass violation of celebrity selfies, We reacted in the most selfish way one can react to a scandal that requires curious parties to use the word selfie repeatedly: I embarked on a quest to reckon effortlessly mine, and those of any innocent friends caught in the crosshairs. There is a limited quantity of digital data in this world that I control, I reasoned, and I should be able to sign into every cloud and review every photo. That which I keep should be willfully chosen; that which I do not want should be gone forever. The task wasn’t just about nude pictures. (Though clearly those would trigger alarms. ) It was about manage. Control and freedom.

It was the most arduous thing I have ever done on the web. More arduous than navigating Con Edison’s bill-pay website. More arduous compared to an Obamacare insurance exchange. (The fact that I had to request something like twelve username reminders, then reset as many passwords, did not help. If Sisyphus resided today, he would be chained to a computer clicking hyperlinks to reset their password and sign back in, all day long. ) In the age of cloud-computing, deleting photos is like slaying the hydra: Every time you kill one archive, you discover two much more. Photos were hiding not just in my iPhone’s Camera Roll, but in every photo-editing, messaging, and dating app I’d ever downloaded. Photos were lingering within ancient text-message threads. Shared photo albums I’d forgottenhad been updating without having my knowledge. I felt like the Donald Rumsfeld of selfies: There were recognized knowns (caches I knew to review) and known unknowns (apps I all of a sudden realized might be saving photos) and unknown unknowns that I could not anticipate but actually will surely terrorize me later (a fear that the Xbox Kinect motion digital camera will someday unleash hours of clumsy Dance Central 3 footage maintains me up at night).

Because though nefarious hackers and vengeful exes may, in theory, have the ability to weaponize private material by forcibly decontextualizing it, the actual mere passing of time can do it, too. There was a time, once, when the conventional wisdom on nudie-pic scandals was that the person who posed for the picture was a fool. Today all those critics are themselves criticized, for blaming the victim and for failing in order to acknowledge reality. For whatever reason, some strange fluke of the human psyche compels all of us to document our most idiotic moments, to think we look hot even when functioning shitty, and to pursue sexiness in spite of astonishingly high risks of looking the fool. The photos in my forgotten Flickr account were horrible, in part, simply because they documented flukes of the psyche that no longer made sense to me. The pictures within “My friends keep stealing my camera” were taken as a sort of laugh on me (Ha-ha, Maureen will see our crotches when she turns the girl camera on), which I then posted on Flickr as a joke on them (Ha-ha, We are acknowledging your crotches by turning them into a high-resolution photo album which just we will see). Upskirt and selfie weren’t in our lexicons back then, but today someone that viewed those pictures would likely identify them as both.

Not that anybody will ever have the chance to. I deleted it all. I think.

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